Advice for a scout family

[sctmom 11]

I mentioned in another post I have a Webelos Scout who is "behind" the other 5th graders. He's a great kid, very excited to be in scouts, very proud of his uniform, very well behaved at Scout functions, and very shy.

 

I do not know all of his background. He is a year old than the other 5th graders (will soon be 12). He is new to our area and to Scouting this school year. He also has a new family -- he is being adopted by a teacher he had a few years ago. I don't know what he has been through in the past. He started living with his new mom right as school started. He has a brother (about 1 year older) that is also being adopted by this lady. There is a slightly younger brother who is in a hospital for mental problems (will one day be able to go to this same home). Academically, this young man is on a first grade level according to his mom. She is single, but does have a man in her life that takes up some time with the boys. Nice enough guy, but lacks patience from what I've seen. Young scout also has speech problems, very hard to understand him when he gets excited.

 

The mom says he looks forward to every scout meeting. He irons his shirt the night before and wears it to school the day of meetings.

 

She is concerned about transferring him to Boy Scouts too soon. I'm not sure if he will join the same troop as my son, or one closer to their home (they live about 30 minutes away). What kind of advice can I give this lady about what to tell the scout leaders and what to ask scout leaders?

 

My feeling is that he needs a troop where one of the male leaders keeps an out for him. Not to single him out, but to realize the simplest things are a challenge to him (like reading the Scout Law). I keep going over things in my mind, but then think "that is common sense" yet I don't want to assume anything about what scout leaders may or may not do.

 

This kid Needs Scouting and Wants Scouting. His older brother may also be encouraged to join as well (I pull him into den meetings every chance I get).

 

What advice would you give the Scout and his mom?

 

[OldGreyEagle 5]

First thing I would do is print the story out about the Boy Scout who collected Videos for the Pediatric Dept. Dedicated dad posted it and I beleive you commented on it. The story makes reference to the fact the scout is adopted. As I commented, the family also adopted his brother. Show her scouting works.

 

Next, offer to accompany her when she visits the troops. As Den Mother oh excuse me Den Leader ::slaps self :: Webelous Leader you can converse with the troop leaders about the scouts abilities and challenges. Try out a few troops, get her and the boys consensus. Scouts, if done in the correct atmosphere, could be the greatest thing for these kids ever.

 

Adopted kids, who know they were adopted, want desparately to be a member of a family, I cant think of a better surragate family than the brotherhood of scouting.(This message has been edited by OldGreyEagle)

[sctmom 11]

OGE writes:

"Den Mother oh excuse me Den Leader ::slaps self :: "

 

LOL -- actually I feel like the Pack Mommy some days -- like when in the middle of the pack meeting, the Cubmaster turns to me and says "when is our next leader meeting?". Yes, I am a Den MOTHER as well as a leader...some of us are just mommies no matter where we go.

 

Thanks for you advice. This kid needs scouting for some many reasons....and it needs to not be the pressure school is on him. It may take him a little longer to make each rank or earn a badge, people may have to work more with him on the academic parts and be creative (in a good way). He needs the challenge and the rewards, he needs the structure, he needs the brotherhood, the role models, the indepedence. One thing on his side is that his new mom is a special ed school teacher, so she knows when to push and when to back away. She also wants him to have the positive males in his life.

 

[Chippewa29 13]

Two years ago, as our challenge Scout and his parents were looking for a troop, his mom called me on a couple of occasions (we ended up talking about her son for about three hours or so total) and let me know her son's situation. I had met the kid on a visit by his den to our meeting, so I had a little bit of an idea. She also asked me some questions. I don't remember all of them, but I do remember her asking me "What kind of impression did you get of my son?" I told her he had some good traits, but he needed to learn how to use them in the right way. When they decided to join our troop, she said that was the answer that helped them make their decision. The rest of the Scout leaders tried to skirt around the issue while I was honest but optimistic.

 

You and the mom need to sit down and figure out some questions to ask the leaders and also what kinds of answers you want to hear. Be up front and honest with the leaders and don't candy coat the situation. Be as forthright as you have been on this forum. If they don't want the kid, you'll be able to detect it.

[eisely 13]

All of the above is excellent advice. I agree strongly that you and the mom need to be upfront with the troop leaders you visit. You don't want to surprise them.

[jethehiker 10]

I agree with everyone , I to had this experience

but not with my Pack or Troop. I was called upon by a Commissioner to help place a boy with Downs syndrome. I invited him and his parents to our Pack night and after meeting him discussed the options with his mother. We do have Challenge units (troops) in our council and after visiting some with them and talking with the leaders he was settled in to one and has been there 2 years. He just recieved his 1st class scout rank.

His mother wrote the council a letter and thanked them.

 

[evmori 11]

I can relate. My son is deaf. He joined Cubs with my wife as his Den Mother. He really enjoyed Scouts. He crossed over to Boy Scouts when he turned 11 & earned his Eagle! He finished his 1st quarter of college at RIT on the dean's list!

 

My wife & I have been very involved in his Scouting career, but we made no special exceptions for him. He was expected to do what all the other Scouts were doing. He did & did it very well. He was elected SPL three times!

 

It sounds like thie boy comes with alot of baggage you might never know about. This can be tough to deal with. Kindness is a necessary, but babying the boy won't help. I would get some of the older Scouts to work with him & sort of take him under their wing.

 

Good luck!

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

[sctmom 11]

Mr. Mori, I know you must be proud. You and your wife should be congraluted on raising such a fine young man.

 

One thing about this special scout, at least he doesn't disrupt meetings like I hear of some scouts doing. He's more of the type to disappear into the shadows. I know he has some problems about controlling his anger at school sometimes but this apparently isn't very often. His mom tries to give him a very structured and loving environment.

 

I hope he does continue in scouting. I hope I can talk to his mom at next week's den meeting and get the ball rolling for him to visit some troops. I just need to find out if she prefers to look at some closer to her home.

 

[evmori 11]

Yes we are very proud! Thanks. I wasn't telling that story to brag. My point was anything can be overcome if the correct attention is given. Sometimes it is tough to know when to back off & when to step in. And sometimes just standing back to see what happens.

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

[ScouterPaul 11]

sctmom - I predict that the young man will choose to stay with you when you move up.

 

Good Luck

[evmori 11]

ScouterPaul,

 

Ditto

[slontwovvy 10]

I echo the opinion of the esteemed Chippewa29. You need to have a very frank conversation with the leaders of the troop he is going to join. One of our troop's challenge Scouts came in and no one knew the full extent of his issues. We dealt with him as a normal boy and this didn't work. He dropped out within a few months. Then someone came forward and told us of his multitudes of problems. This boy, who needed Scouting, was turned sour by lack of information.

[Byron_the_Aussie 10]

"What kind of advice can I give this lady...?"

=========================

 

My suggestion is to tell her to stick with it.

 

We have a mildly retarded boy in our Cub pack. He's unable to memorize even the simplest of tasks but he enjoys himself immensely and his mother tells me Cubs is a very important part of his life. We've bent the rules *a little* to get him some badges. The dilemma I'm faced with now is that he's growing too big and should really have gone up to Scouts. But he's not ready for that move so we're going to keep him in Cubs.

[andrews 10]

I got a great deal of my "male role model" experience as a youth from an ASM in our troop. A lot of that wouldn't be acceptable because of the safe scouting guidelines now, but this boy could still get something close.

 

Brad

[Troop51OS 10]

I think if the boy moves up it will be best. You say he is the type to dissapear into the shadows, well at some point in his scout career he will need to help people on a team, and will develop good leadership skills, no one is just born with them, they have to be developed, and I am sure, through scouting, they will be!