Bside

1 hour ago, qwazse said:

@Bside, welcome to the forums and thanks in advance for all you do for the boys.

I could second guess that you let past acts of bullying go unchecked. But, that's water over the dam. Reflect on it, and if you think by being a little severe earlier might have prevented this, you'll owe this scout an apology.

Talk to your committee chair and charter org rep, but I think a three month suspension from meetings and activities is warranted for the complicit scouts. Their return should be based on their understanding of BSA's and your policy on bullying. They should not be given positions of responsibility until after they show they can comport themselves in a scout-like manner on he next activity in which they participate. And even then, the assigning of PoRs will be at the discretion of the PLC who replaces them during the next three months.

It's a tough row to hoe. You risk losing these scouts.  But it seems like you can't afford to do otherwise.

 

You know two things about me. Guess what those things are? They begin with "J" and "S". I've been the SM for 3 months. The previous SM was a scouter for 50 years and the SM for 14 years. I'm dealing with his mess. Reflect on that while you play with your jump to conclusions mat. 

I have turned the matter over to my ASM and the Troop Committee. 

Full disclosure, the victim here is my son. I am furious over this. However, being the Scoutmaster puts me in a precarious position. The father in me first wanted to react like my father would have. To encourage my son to go beat the crap out of this kid. My son has about 75 pounds and 5 inches in height on the SPL. He just doesn't have an aggressive or violent bone in his body. The boys know this and the SPL only bullied him because he knew or thought he could get away with it.

If I act too harshly, I will be accused of favoritism, or over protecting my son. If I let them off too lightly They will feel like what they did was O.K.. I feel like I must have a deliberate, measured response. Something that will resolve the situation but not turn my son into a pariah. Scouting is his only social outlet and he loves it. He has seen most of these boys as friends. He says he wants to just forget about it, but I have never been a parent to encourage him to just sit back and take it. He feels desperate for friends, but he just doesn't know what real friendship is yet. 

This situation on one hand is very simple and clear. On the other hand, it is very complicated. I intend to simplify it and take action to both teach and punish these Scouts. Firmly but fairly.   

5 minutes ago, perdidochas said:

Makes no difference.  A Scout should not be threatening to sexually assault a younger, weaker person regardless of this being a "non scouting" event.  It's not scoutlike behavior, and honestly, every boy involved in this attempted sexual assault should be punished by the troop.  If it was found they did this kind of stuff to a non-scout, I would feel the same. 

Which I why I am considering my options and what actions to take. 

1 minute ago, RememberSchiff said:

Tell us more about the 

What help and counsel did you give this scout? What was the reaction of his parents? 

Why should this young man stay in your unit or in scouting?

No one in the troop helped him? He had to call his parents for help? Who were the adults leaders on this trip?

This was not a BSA sanctioned outing. This was a group of "friends" that happen to be members of the same troop having a sleep over. 

Momma, I agree that there is a weird, sexual undercurrent in this. The boys are 12 and 13 year olds. Change some minor dynamics such as age or sex of some of the scouts involved and nobody could argue that this was a sexual assault. I'm not ready to label the SPL as a sex offender. I am tempted to fire the lot of them. However, I think there is a lesson in this for the entire troop. These boys are immature. Some of them are cliquish and feel that they are above some of the other scouts. I think I can knock them down a few pegs without putting them out of scouting. I hope that will give me an opportunity to teach them to be better young men and to learn empathy and compassion. 

Jameson, I think that the SPL should feel some shame and humiliation similar to what the victim here felt. I may allow him to give details without naming the victim, but you know how that goes. It won't be long until everyone knows anyway. 

New member, relatively new Scoutmaster with a few years as an Assistant. Recently, Some members of my PLC had a sleep over. One of the Scouts has developmental delays. He is ADHD, on the Austism scale and has learning disabilities. He is a non aggressive, non violent 13 year old. All of the boys there have known him for a few years through the troop. They all have seemed relatively accepting and patient with him (under adult supervision).

At this sleep over, the other boys began to bully him throughout the night. The adults in the house were sleeping in another part of a relatively large house. At some point, the SPL approached from behind, stood over the boy in his underwear as the boy sat on the floor watching a movie, and straddled the boys neck, pressing his crotch against the back of the boy's head and neck saying he was going to tea bag him. The boy pushed him off and demanded that he stop. The other boys, all part of the PLC laughed at the boy as the SPL persisted, again and again, 4 times until the boy began crying . The boys continued to mistreat this boy throughout the night until he finally called his parents, early in the morning to come and pick him up. 

When his parents arrived, he was crying, angry and very upset. He was ashamed and embarrassed and didn't understand why they treated him that way. As the Scoutmaster, I feel compelled to act. In the few years I have been active with the troop, I have observed instances of bullying and mistreatment among the Scouts. Since becoming Scoutmaster, I have addressed these incidents with the troop many times. I have explained to them that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, impressing upon them that they should be looking out for one another, rather than being unkind. I have explained that the Scout Oath and The Scout Law stays with us all and is not left in the scout room. That they are a code a set of values that we all must try to live by. Values that our society respects. 

I haven't had a chance yet to ask the PLC about this incident. I know from experience that this boy is telling the truth. Before I take action, I must get their side of the story, and discuss the incident with the parents. My plan of action is this; Counsel all of the boys involved. The SPL for his actions, and the rest of the PLC for their failure to put a stop to it. After that the SPL must Mea Cupla in front of the entire troop, explain what he did, why he did it and why it is wrong. He must then apologize to the Scout. I will then suspend the SPL from his position for 3 months. The rest of the PLC that was present will be placed on probation for the remainder of their tenure in their current positions. A further similar act of poor scout spirit will result in me suspending them for 3 months from any leadership positions. 

I invite thoughts and advice.