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WisconsinMomma

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Posts posted by WisconsinMomma

  1. 1 hour ago, Mom2a said:

    You have an obligation to contact your de and or council.    As a Scoutmaster and parent you need their support and guidance through this issue.   As a parent your son needs to know that you will be there to protect him whatever the situation or personal cost.   

    2

    And, this needs to be documented in case these boys ever pull this crap with another kid. 

    • Upvote 1
  2. Since this is your son who was mistreated, I suggest bringing in the committee chair or scout executive to help you and back you up.  You can't handle this one alone, get some help.

    Have you talked with the SPL's parents about what happened?

    I would also consider having the SPL and possibly the PLC sit out the next outing or two, to give them some time to think and reflect on their inappropriate actions, and to give your son some safety without the bullies around.  I would suggest creating this kind of a safe environment for any kid who was victimized, btw.  Maybe it's an opportunity to start some new friendships with no distractions or negativity.

  3. I am so sorry you are dealing with this but these young men need to be taught what is appropriate and what is not, and there is no tolerance for bullying or hazing of this nature in the BSA.  They need to learn in no uncertain terms what they did was wrong, and it benefits them to learn that lesson in a very memorable way now so they don't go and make even worse mistakes as they grow older. 

  4. 9 minutes ago, Jameson76 said:

    Seems like a good plan.  May want to have the SPL be more generic in his mea culpa, just that there was bullying, it is inappropriate, skip the details.

    Tough one as the PLC was involved and stood by. 

    Good luck

    Yeah, skip the fact that he threatened to sexually assault a youth with special needs?  Not listening to or respecting the kid who said no and attacking him four more times?  Way to give the kid an out.  

    Think about this kid who was assaulted having to deal with this other kid in the future.  How will he feel in the Troop when all his "friends" sat by and laughed while he was being bullied in such a vulgar way. 

  5. 3 months?  That's it?  To me, that's very light for something very vulgar and un-Scoutlike. 

    And... "a similar act of poor Scout Spirit" -- just no.  There should be no more similar acts.  A similar act, from my point of view would be dismissal from the Troop.

    Are you going to discuss this act of sexual bullying and youth-on-youth abuse with your Scout Executive?  I think you need to. 

     

    • Upvote 2
  6. 22 hours ago, elitts said:

    This would depend on the type of teasing.  Friends tease each other.  Parents tease their kids, my son even tries to tease me sometimes.  When you have a kid on the spectrum who doesn't understand what teasing is, you don't just ban it all, you teach the boys and the child until they understand what works and what hurts feelings.

    You have to know someone's personality to know whether they accept being teased or not.  Some people enjoy it, others don't.  It is up to the person who might tease to get to know another person and have some sort of relationship in place where they know it is OK to have that form of joking.  Different people have different senses of humor, and it is the joke-teller's job to know their audience.  It is not automatically OK to tease.

    It is always better to err on the side of politeness and kindness. 

    An industrial psychologist once taught me about this.  He mentioned how he could tease Mary in HR about her "drinking problem" and she would just laught it off, but he would never joke with me like that, because I think it's stupid.  Somehow he figured out that Mary was more jovial and I'm not.  I do not have to change my sense of humor, he adjusted his style to work with different people. 

  7. On the one hand, this sounds like a local thing, if EVERYTHING is cornball.

    However, Cub Scout campfires with skits and songs are part of Scouting.  There are a lot of lessons in getting up in front of people and attempting a skit, working together with other performers, and putting together an entertaining program.  

    If you opt out of a campfire program, that's fine.  

    We were just at camp last weekend and had a campfire with skits. The whole thing took maybe 15 minutes.

    1. Wolves sang "Father Abraham" with some moves.  This was good to warm up, since it was cold.

    2. Arrow of Light did the -- We Don't have a Skit, skit

    3. Bears did -- Emergency Broadcast system

    4. Webelos sang and danced to -- I'm a chubby penguin, you're a chubby penguin, we are chubby penguins!

    They were all quite good, considering they are 7 - 11 year olds.

    Then the leaders said some comments thanking parents for bringing their kids to camp.

    Then everyone stood around the campfires and warmed up and then went back to the cabins.

    If you're going to have a campfire show, it should be interesting and fast paced.  The point of it is to give the kids an opportunity to work together, show off a little and develop some showmanship skills.  It is a small piece of camping!

    The only campfires we do are this one at our Pack campout, and if you go to our Council summer camp, they put on a good show.

    Different kids like different things. Some kids LOVE skits!  My den loved skits a lot, they would do skits all day if you let them.  We had an improv group come in for Blue and Gold entertainment because it was right up their alley.

     

  8. Yes,  I think we are getting to that point.  Our Committee Chair made a meeting schedule and outlines for them, and all it needs is for some of the Bear parents to now run the meetings and schedule.  It is time for a hand off and let them struggle a bit and see who steps up.  I know that some of the parents have been directly asked, but I am not sure that all of the parents have been directly asked.

  9. There are straps for attaching a bed roll.  My boys stuff their sleeping bag into compression sacks and put them inside their packs.  If you have an REI store near you, go there during a quiet time of day and ask a sales associate to run you through the newer backpacks' features. 

  10. Hi Scouters,

    So we have a Bear den that currently has no leadership.  Our Committee Chair is helping the Bear Den, and I am helping the Bear Den.  But we need the Bear den to help themselves!!  

    The committee chair has made a meeting schedule with topics

    I helped the Bear Den with activities on the Fall Camping trip and spent the weekend running the kids through activities (parents tagged along).

    They just don't have a leader.  

    Some candidates, but no one has stepped up:

    1. A guy who tried to be den leader but it just didn't work, he struggled.  He now is working more hours and we've given him the role Assistant Den Leader.  

    2.  A guy who travels a ton and isn't around much.  His wife is our new COR and summer activities chair.

    3. One dad I thought was helpful. I think he's a good candidate

    4. One dad a committee member thinks is interested but his kid is very very shy and seems young developmentally.  This kid sits out a lot and observes.  

    We talked about recruiting someone our Fall Camping but I did not get that job done. We got home yesterday. When I'm working with the kids I don't have time to make relationships with the parents. 

    We need to do the next steps to figure out how to get this den to stand on its own feet.  I am willing to help, but I am not going to run this den all year and our Committee Chair helps with the Lions and she does a LOT already.  

    Plus, in a little over a year the CC and I are moving out of Cubs and we can't leave a burdon on the people behind us.

    We are thinking of parting the job out to different parents.  If the parents don't want to put in the effort, then they don't get a den, isn't that right?  

    Where would you put the line of -- OK, no leaders, no den, on them?   It's probably about now.  I'd like my role to be something like -- if you need coaching on how to do something, call or email me.  We have a Bear Leader handbook and it has all the info! 

     

  11. On 10/16/2018 at 12:53 PM, Tired_Eagle_Feathers said:

    My wife was so annoyed when she thumbed through the Weblos book and got so excited when she saw the pictures of kids in canoes only to discover that Cub Scouts can't actually use canoes like the Girl Scouts do.  We've gotten to the point where we refer to Cub Scouts as Can't Scouts.

    2

    Hold the phone, let's confirm what Cub Scouts can do in boats.  Is this no longer accurate?

    https://blog.scoutingmagazine.org/2016/05/05/cub-scouts-swimming-and-boating/

  12. 14 hours ago, Ranman328 said:

    So my wife and I are at the Scout Store Friday buying supplies for our Court of Honor on Tuesday and at the register there is this lady buying a pile of girl Cub Scout uniform items to include leggings.  She is giving this poor kid behind the counter who couldn't be more than 18 or 19 years old a hard time about how it is so unfair that there has to be a female leader at all events if there are any girls in the Pack.  She wants this kid to explain to her why this is fair.  She goes on to tell him that she is going to file a discrimination lawsuit against BSA and that she already has her letter ready.  I look at my wife and she is doing all she can to bite her lip and not go off on this lady.  First off, this lady appears to be new to scouting as she is buying all new uniforms for girls and she is already complaining and threatening lawsuits.  If you are already this turned off by the BSA rules, why are you joining?  I can see now that is all we are going to see is a bunch of lawsuits complaining of discrimination and wanting the rules and requirements changed to suit girls.  Sad times in BSA

    Oh it's one thing to say you're going to file a lawsuit and another thing to actually do it.  It might be a lot of hot air in the long run.  I am sure there will be some lawsuits, but I think most folks are big talkers. 

  13. Yes, but I feel with Scouters, time is of the essence. We don't know how long we'll have our volunteers for.  It is good that we have position specific training required, and that is a pre-req for Wood Badge.  You need to be trained in your position. If we make it too leveled, then you have potential issues with Scouters feeling like they outrank one another, and that is a bunch of drama we don't need.  I'd grab a Scouter, find a training and have them go for it.  Wood Badge is a commitment because it's 2 weekends. Some of my WB Patrol mates were Cub Scouters and they were delightful, and in Scouting for the long haul.  Yay!  Many of the online trainings go over the patrol method and that's great! 

  14. I think that if the Scouter has worked with male Scouters and it's not working, try a female Scouter.  My Wood Badge course director was female, and I kind of idolized her, she was great, and so when she made a recommendation not to do XYZ, I listened to her with less resentment than I would if some guy I had no connection to and who was maybe not my best match to work with gave me a recommendation not to do XYZ.  

    Does that make sense?  The example was, I offered to go help with NYLT training, and she advised me to find a ticket item working with Cub (where I had more experience).  So I became a BALOO trainer.  Now, over the course of Wood Badge, I had shared with my troop guide, who I'm sure shared with the team, that I was struggling finding my way with some pushback and in particular, one not-so-welcoming person in the troop.   So the advice they gave me was good.  I stuck with Cubs, where I had years in the program, and more friends, and...

    with some time I was able to get an in as Troop Secretary, they had no one else!  I was volunteering!  How could they say no!!?? :) The guy who I had trouble with raked me over the coals for my first set of minutes.   Now I can look back at it and laugh and laugh.  They really didn't want me, but hey, here I am!  You got nobody else. And I am not that bad, I was just new, female, and I knew a few things about Scouting (from hanging out here!)  For me, as a woman, Wood Badge was an important part of me gaining some credentials to help people see me as, you know,  sightly qualified to have input. 

    Back to that first round of meeting minutes, I cried.  I had put a couple hours into make them the best darn meeting minutes I could, and I had re-formatted them (like, used a different font, changed some wording to make it nicer. I put the Scout Oath and Law on the minutes in the free space!) so I owned them. One person hated that anything had changed.  I got the email from hell and they changed everything back to the way it was.  I cried.  My husband saw me crying and thought I was totally over reacting, but he didn't feel what I was feeling -- total rejection from the Troop.  In another matter, I suggested that something he did might upset the same (control freak) Troop adult.  My husband said -- I'm a volunteer!  I don't care what he thinks!  If they don't like it that's his problem!  

    LOL.  I have adopted more of my husband's attitude.  Tough cookies if you don't like the font that the minutes are done in.  LOL.  We've got bigger things to take care of!  And, I'm a volunteer -- people should say -- thank you to volunteers a lot more often, don't you think??  You suck doesn't really get a lot of repeat business. 

    It helped that my course director is VERY "successful", or, well-respected in Scouting.  Here she is the course director with a huge staff who loves her, and she is a Silver Beaver.  What a great role model for me.  And really, she's a magnificent leader. You could just tell by how well the course staff worked together and had fun throughout the whole time. 

    Maybe it doesn't need to be a female, but someone she can click with who can get enough of a relationship going to be able to offer suggestions.  If there is no relationship it is not easy for a person to listen to feedback.  It's not about gender necessarily, it's about finding the right fit.  But in a male-dominated organization, working with a fellow female is a real treat.

    I'll add that as a Cubmaster, I am closest to our female Committee Chair in Cubs.  Of course, our kids were in my den together, and I've known her for years, our older kids are in the same troop together.  But I talk to her and interact with her more than any of the guys.  Mostly because of our roles, but I am very thankful for that relationship.  

    Maybe the female Scouter has some stress or fears in her life about Scouting and how it all works that another Scouter can help empathize with and alleviate.  Relationships take time. 

    I was at a conference in the Spring where there were about 700 attendees and 30 were women.  One woman came right up and introduced herself to me and we spend quite a bit of time together.  Another female came up to me and I spent a lot of time with her too.   It makes you feel less weird when you find someone like you in those situations. 

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  15. We need more trained leaders, not fewer, and so taking any new leader though Wood Badge is going to give them more experience than they had.  We need new leaders, and we need new female leaders. Everybody starts somewhere! 

    My WB experience was pretty clear in what we were doing.  Just because some people don't do well in WB is not a condemnation of the whole program.  I think my course from last summer was the newest course.

    Back to the specific female Scouter who is struggling with patrol-led, perhaps one of the other female Scouters could form a friendship and mentor her?  Might not work but it's better than nothing? 

  16. Summer camps can, of course, make any rules they want within the law and within BSA policies, but if it's too much of a hassle / extremely restrictive, then not as many people will go to summer camp.

    Any PR problems with the BSA coming across as either pro-vax or anti-vax in the media would be a disaster. 

  17. 30 minutes ago, malraux said:

    Nope and I have lost any respect I might have had for your other positions. 

    That's OK.  No one can force my family's medical decisions (and I have not shared what they are, other than me not getting a flu shot).

  18. I really don't want to debate vaccinations or start a debate on vaccinations when what we have in place seems to be working.  Have there been any cases of Hep A or measles outbreaks spreading via Scout camps in the last decade?  Do we have a problem or are we making up a problem so we can argue about it? 

    Can a person vaccinated for measles get the measles?  The answer should be, no.  The people most at risk for measles are unvaccinated pregnant women and very young unvaccinated children.   

    Can a person vaccinated for HepA get it?  It's the same kind of situation isn't it?  

    I personally don't get a flu shot, and I accept the risk that I may get the flu.  Your decisions might be different, and that's OK!

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