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PDA and guidance

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  • PDA and guidance

    Well our crew is alive and kicking again.

    we basically have 4 couples, yes they are all hetero, 8 youth from 15-17.

    They have planned a car camping trip, we talked about tenting separately and expectations on conduct....they are excited about the campfire and spending time with their sweetie......

    Ya know this isn't Mr. B's romantic weekend excursions......

    So PDA,Public Displays of Affection,.....I am not an old fuddy duddy, and I understand they are young men and women in love and all.......


    So what is your crews boundaries?????




  • #2
    IMO, anything beyond fairly innocent hand holding is icky when in public/groups.

    Now in my son's crew, there is only one couple, so the other kids enforce this just fine. They also don't have that much respect for the one member of the couple so they don't give him much slack. And the parent of the girl in question is one of the advisors, and has explained to the boys in rather clear terms what he might be moved to do if he felt his daughter's reputation or um, you know, were in doubt as a result of any of their actions. Since the boys like him but are a little bit afraid of him (not without reason), this seems to have the desired effect!

    Seriously, I'd just tell them what you wrote - you aren't running a getaway weekend for amorous couples! A little humor and some healthy fear are a wonderful combination.

    Comment


    • #3
      I just remind them that kissing an underaged girl with her shoes off is considered statutory rape in some states, and by the girls' father in all the rest.

      Stosh(This message has been edited by jblake47)

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      • #4
        Crew Policy on Fraternization Between Members

        1) Prior to the commencement of any Crew activity all reproductive organs, including but not limited to external genitalia, belonging to Crew members will be collected by authorized adult leaders and kept under proper refrigeration until the conclusion of said activity.

        2) Section 1 of this policy may be waived if crew members conduct themselves as if Section 1 had been enforced.

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        • #5
          We have informed our Crew that we are not a dating service so no dating between members. Period!

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          • #6
            thanks Lisa, kinda what I thought....

            Wife and I hold hands when the trail is wide enough.......not intentional, it just happens. Been married for 25 years......

            I don't have a problem with the kids holding hands, No arm in arm stuff is gonna be my thought, kissin is too much as well.

            God help them if we have that sneaking around stuff after lights out.


            Q where ya at...

            Comment


            • #7
              Bd, sorry, somewhere between work, sighting the scope on the moon, and bills, the well-crafted witty reply that I penned was lost!

              Don't sweat the small stuff. Go camping. Have fun. It sounds like you set the right tone. They know you don't want anyone getting hurt or pregnant.

              At some point you may need to review with the officers if they felt everyone was being friends with each other and not just their main squeezes.

              Our crew has shied away from putting anything in writing, I think yours will too. By-laws regarding PDA are usually written by 14 y/os who later regret it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Basement and Fellow Advisors,

                Greetings!

                The Crew I serve has had g/f and b/f relationships over the years.

                They (our youth) have also adopted a small set of bylaws. In total we have eight rules, only one line about PDA. All of our bylaws will fit half a page. (If I wrote it, the bylaws may have been a dozen pages long.) Subsequent years, I send out the Crew bylaws adopted in 2005, and ask the crew and officers "Do you like it? or Do you want to change anything?" The usual reply is "no, it is short & sweet and adequate".

                My Crew and Crew Officers don't want any more rules or any less rules. The rule about PDA simply states "All crew members will refrain from public displays of affection (PDA)."

                Now that being said. We know we will have Venturers that have g/f - b/f from school, church, sports and neighborhoods. Some will join our Crew already in a relationship, some will meet in our Crew. We explain to them what PDA is. How it could make others feel uncomfortable. And let them know, they may restrain for 1 hour a week, and even may restrain for a weekend. After discussing expectations and stating its not just an "uncool parent thing" but they are hearing it from a parent stating the uncomfortable feeling comes from all Venturers parents and youth. We've never had a Venturing (g/f-b/f) state they cannot restrain themselves for 48 hours. And for recent years, we have not had a problem with PDA.

                Unfortunately, we have gone to larger Venturing events. Where my Crew was well behaved, but other Crews and leaders have a nonchalant attitude about PDA. Not all leaders have this passive attitude. But it is akward, when taking a break from an educational game and two other Venturing youth from another Crew commences the PDA. All I can offer to my guys is, "You guys are great, you guys are role models, and our couples are much more mature. So just ignore them."

                We have rarely had emotional drama which started during school hours, which has ended with one Venturer politely quitting. But we also have one couple of past Venturers that have been married for about five years now.

                As an alternative. I have another Venturing colleague whose Crew has never created their own bylaws. So as Advisor that colleague says. "Boys and Blue, Girls and Green, and there is no Purple in Venturing. Let's keep it that way.". That colleague has been an Advisor for just a couple of years, and has had g/f-b/f relationships in the crew, and has not had PDA become an issue.

                My recommendation. Welcome teenage couples. They are going to be together anyways. And let them know your expectations of PDA. Ask them if they can resist for 1 hour a week, or sometimes up to 48 hours on a weekend. If they just cannot resist and keep some sunlight between them; if they think Venturing Crew is another "make-out" spot away from their parents; well then maybe their heart is just not in Venturing, and a Venturing Crew is not the place for them.

                Good Luck and hopefully set reasonable boundaries!

                Scouting Forever and Venture On!
                Crew21 Adv(This message has been edited by Crew21_Adv)

                Comment


                • #9
                  One of my crew "solved" his boundary issues by eloping with his GF as soon as she turned 18!

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                  • #10
                    Having eloped, now what? Still with the crew?
                    BDPT00

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                    • #11
                      Why can't they still be with the crew if they are married?????

                      I see an odd circumstance and have no problem with them tenting with the adults as a married couple....or who knows they might want to tent with their friends instead of the ball and chain???????

                      The No PDA restriction still applies.....and I think that they should understand they need to restrain from animal urges even in their tent while with the crew....

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                      • #12
                        I have 17 year old boy/girl twins both are the Crew. Son is a Life Scout.

                        Don't seem to have PDA in the Crew.

                        Another Dad and I are NRA shooting instructors and wear our D.A.D.D. shirts occasionally (dads against daughters dating) where the tag line is: shoot 1 boy, and the rest figure it out..

                        Seriously, the crew came up with no relationship (to include PDA) on Crew meetings/weekends. Get called on it, and you are out.(This message has been edited by dg98adams)

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                        • #13
                          BDB, need all e dish, eh?

                          He is still registered, although hasn't been able to participate because his leave schedule did not coincide with our outings.

                          She was never a member of the crew (although she came to a couple of day activities). Her dad wouldn't allow it for fear of what might happen between the two of them in the woods with us. Go figure.

                          I'd have no problem with them tenting together, although I'd warn her that I've been known to applaud from my bunk loudly in response to beautiful performances.

                          Seriously, I would expect these two to want to bunk with their friends from high school for old times sake, but this is the crew's first married couple, and they aren't both signed up, so for now it's all hypothetical for me.

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                          • #14
                            Well, good luck with it.
                            How old is he?
                            I'd suggest checking Scouting's guidlines on this one.
                            BDPT00

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                            • #15
                              BDT


                              Let me see legally married adults, even if the BSA considers them youth, Sleeping with the rest of the adults as a married couple. I don't see a problem.

                              or

                              If they tent separately with their pals then no issue.


                              So please explain to me the issue?????? I simply don't see it.

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