A chuckle (a little long)
Rich Clark (richc@WAGNERPA.COM)
Thu, 7 Mar 1996 10:24:17 EST
The New EEC Language
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the European
Economic Community, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study
in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government
departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
necessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough.
What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these
anomalies. The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff
at top
level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve
this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both
letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the
minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
been a
deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem
began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al,
half a
'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from words kontaining
'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City | 
