Re: Advice needed(long but serious)
Michael F. Bowman (mfbowman@CAPACCESS.ORG)
Wed, 6 Dec 1995 13:23:25 -0500
Mike Montoya,
It sounds to me like you are on the right track in counseling with the
young man to work a bit harder to show Scout Spirit and demonstrate
leadership. One of the primary aims of Scouting is to promote
citizenship and what you are doing will help this Scout in the long run.
In thinking about your question a few things come to mind:
It is too late to wonder about what the Boards of Review and Scoutmaster
Conferences accomplished in the past, but not too late to see that they
are done properly in the future. For each rank the SM Conference should
be a growth session addressing such problems. Similarly, each Board of
Review should be asking the Scout what he is going to do better, how he
is going to improve, how he is going to use his skills, etc. Aside from
verifying that the Scout completed his rank requirements, these are
opportunities that should be used at each rank and not just Eagle to
assess whether a Scout is growing and help him grow more. This is part
of the "adult association" method where a Scout gets critical feedpack
and through reflective discussion can decide what to do to surmount
problems.
Your Eagle-candidate may be different in other settings precisely because
his father is not around. If his father is riding him hard, he may be
acting out a rejection of that authority (normal adolescent development)
without even knowing he's doing it. Maybe the best thing would be for
his father to step down and just let his son have a chance to bloom on
his own. One of the hardest things as a parent is to allow a child to
make mistakes and learn how to decide things on their own. This dad may
be having some real problems in knowing when to back off. Maybe some of
the other adults need to tell him this is a possibility - he doesn't have
to like the input, but hopefully it will cause him some reflection.
I know that in my own case it was critical to back away from the Troop to
give my own son some breathing space and to make it clear to him that it
was his decision and not mine whether he would become an Eagle Scout and
when. Guess what, he decided he really wanted to be an Eagle and still
working on it as a Life Scout with almost 30 merit badges.
Not every young man matures at the same rate and it may take longer for
some to show Scouting spirit and leadership qualities, but we are here to
help them learn, let them fail, help them get up and try again, and to
support them all the way to success.
This young man will learn far more from having to do a little extra
growing than if he were passed through to avoid the problem and some day
farther down the road, he'll be thankful for the experience, though right
now it might seem hard for him.
As to the SM, well he really should be doing the conference, but in many
Troops this is something that gets delegated to ASMs as well. And there
is nothing wrong in getting input from other leaders to be more effective
in helping the Scout grow more from the conference.
Speaking only for myself in the Scouting Spirit, Michael F. Bowman
DDC-Training, GW Dist. Nat Capital Area Council mfbowman@CAPACCESS.ORG
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City | 
