Re: Respect
Rex Goode (rexg@IMS.COM)
Thu, 31 Mar 1994 06:14:16 PST
> I might comment that I introduce myself as "Nathan Brindle", but I expect
> Scouts to call me "Mr. Brindle" (even though I think that shows my age
> and upbringing somewhat *grin*). Whoever said "Mr." is not on my birth
> certificate is correct, but misses the point. If we do not expect respect,
> we should hardly be surprised when we don't get it.
> I spent three years teaching 6th grade Sunday School with two other
> adults who felt it was important that we go by our first names with the
> kids. I went along with it but kicked myself mentally because I believe
> wholeheartedly that it contributed in a major way to the irreverent
> (sorry!) way those kids related to us.
>
> I also knew a family when I was growing up in which the children (my age)
> were encouraged to call their parents by their first names starting around
> the time we were all 16 or so. I would no more have done this myself (and
> my father would have tanned my hide had I done so) than I would have called
> my Scoutmaster anything but "Mr. McGee." I <still> have a problem calling
> people significantly older than myself by their first names, and considering
> that I deal with people at the district and council level who have 30-40
> years on me (and a HECK of a lot more Scouting know-how and experience!),
> that is something I have to work hard to overcome--because the relationship
> between us all <is> a first-name relationship.
I think I agree with most of what you said. I do believe how you are
addressed has a great deal to do with how well you are respected, but
there are exceptions. For example, there were the two boys I mentioned
earlier whose father insisted that they use Brother Goode rather than
Rex, and that these two boys, even though they used the Mormon formal
way of addressing me, were the rudest and most disrespectful of the
bunch.
I never gave any boy permission to call me Rex. They just started doing
it on their own. But I didn't stop them, even though I, like you, have
a very hard time referring to my elders by their given names. All of
the boys who started calling me by my given name also treated me with
mountains of respect. I definitely earned that respect and they worked
hard to earn mine and did a magnificent job of it.
The reason I have never made it a point to inform anyone of how I wanted
to be addressed, was that I believed, and still believe that for me to
be the one that insists nullifies the value in it. If their parents
insist on them addressing me formally or if they decide to do it themselves,
I think I have a better chance of them have real, tangible respect for
me. If I demand it, all I know for sure is that I'm getting real
formality.
The best reward of all is to see them use the two ways to refer to me
interchangeably. Most of the boys, on their own, developed a sense of
which term was the most appropriate in a given situation. It was a
perfect blend of them acknowledging me as both a friend and a leader.
The ones who are now grown and out in the world on their own call me
"Brother Goode" as an honor. That feels great!
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| "Isn't anybody in charge | Rex Goode 3127 N.E. 59th Portland,OR 97213 |
| around here?" | Integrated Measurement Systems (503) 626-7117 |
| -- Goldie Hawn's character | Beaverton, Oregon |
| in "Deceived" | rexg@ims.com |
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