Re: Parent participation
Michael Bowman (mfbowman@USSCOUTS.ORG)
Sun, 20 Dec 1998 12:55:29 -0500
Maryellen,
Asked a question that I hear frequently from local volunteers in training
and roundtables, "But if these people don't have the time to take an hour
out to be with their child, then why is it OUR responsibility to raise
them?"
Many responses have correctly pointed out that the parents may be "helping
the village" to raise children by volunteering with other organizations or
the school. Some responses have noted that there are just some parents that
always have an excuse and never participate anywhere.
But the question remains - why is it our responsibility to raise them? Well
it isn't our responsibility to raise any children other than our own. But
it is our responsibility to the community at large to help give all children
as much of an opportunity to develop and grow as we can with the resources
we have to hand. (And it goes without saying that we as a community fund
schools, libraries, and the like for the same purpose, recognizing that
having educated new citizens is essential for the continued success of our
society)
Why is it our job to help out when the parents of a child do not appear
willing to be part of the process for whatever reason or with whatever
excuse?
The simplest answer is that we have a stake in the outcome of each child's
development for better or worse. However these kids turn out we will live
with the results and perhaps pay for the results.
Let's suppose that Randy has parents that don't give a dang about him
because they are caught up with two careers, social events, etc. Chances
are he doesn't get much in the way of attention from adults except outside
the home and may not have a role model that he will follow. He may seek out
a substitute. And that substitute may be a gang that is up to mayhem (yes
some gang members come from wealthy families) or he may decide he can't
continue to live like that and become one of hundreds and thousands of
runaways living on the street. Or perhaps he'll stick it out and end up with
psychological problems that he never quite works out. Maybe he'll find a
solution in his parent's liquor cabinet and become a teenage alcoholic and
be the one that has an accident that kills your child or that of a friend.
Yes these are all horrible and scarey outcomes, but the fact is that they
are real and do happen with altogether too much frequency in almost every
community.
On the other hand we might take on Randy knowing that he didn't choose his
parents or circumstances and instead focus on what we can do to give Randy a
chance to have some positive growth experiences. Maybe Randy will still
have some problems and not be perfect, but if the outcome is that he becomes
a productive individual and not another burden on society, wouldn't it be
worth the effort?
Suppose know for a minute that another boy, Buddy Megabucks, is in your Pack
and his parents can't be bothered with anything as trivial as even coming to
a Pack Meeting let alone helping out. Down the road Buddy inherits his
family's fortune and begins to make decisions that impact hundreds of his
employees, maybe even some of your children work for him by now. Would you
rather he had good strong values, cared about other people (because he
learned in Scouting that other people help each other), and that he was
concerned about doing the right thing? Or would you rather that he had grown
up to know that you fend for yourself, that people are cold and not to be
trusted, and that since nobody helps you, you only look out for yourself and
your own bottom-line (read this nobody ever helped me, so why should I
bother with them helping them now). The point of this is that we never know
the future or where a child's path may lead. We don't know what decisions
that future adult will make or what will trigger those decisions. Our
crystal-ball isn't that good. But we do know that each child will take the
lessons he or she has learned in the formative years and that they will have
enormous impact on what he or she does the rest of his/her life.
We always have the oppoturnity to help out early on. When we fail to do so,
we will have to accept the consequences of our not doing so. And sometimes
those consequences will turn around to have a direct impact on us as
individuals or on other people we know.
In our community of volunteers in Scouting you will find many who as youths
were heading down some pretty troublesome paths and sometimes with what was
clearly the wrong crowd. These folks are still part of our community now
and helping to do good things, because somewhere along the line a Scout
leader took the time to help them do a mid-course adjustment and to get
moving in a better direction. In many cases that same Scout leader probably
was troubled that the Scout's parents were not helping or were even the
problem, but nonetheless took the time to help out even when he/she did not
really have to do it.
In short the answer to the "why" question is that we do Scouting for the
Scouts regardless of the parents and because we have a real stake in the
outcome.
We can become embittered that some parents do not help at all or won't give
the time, but that isn't going to make much difference in the long run. On
the other hand we can follow some of the excellent advice given here about
encouraging them to help a little here and little there so that we don't get
to the point that an activity is in danger of being scratched for want of
drivers or adults.
It comes down to doing our best to get a parent(s) involved to the extent we
can, while really focusing on helping as many youths as our resources will
allow. Sometimes it is that one extra boy that we help that makes all the
difference in what we do, even if we don't see the results for years.
Mike
Mike Bowman a/k/a Professor Beaver (mfbowman@usscouts.org)
Webmastering in the Scouting Spirit from Alexandria, VA
http://usscouts.org http://members.aol.com/netcommish/
http://members.tripod.com/colonialdistrict
