More Mess! (Diverting thread to dealing with 'problem' parents)

As a Scoutmaster who has taken Scouts to summer camp for more than seven
years, I can safely say that there will always be parents who will be
over-protective, smothering, or over-zealous. My experience tells me that
there are several factors involved in parents acting this way. The most
important factor, and the one the SM has the most control over, is a lack of
parental faith in the troop leadership or even their son. Parents often
don't realize that an eleven year old CAN look after himself because they
have never given him the chance. The SM's ability to convince the parents
that their son will have no problem surviving a week at camp is affected by
the amount of trust the parents have in the adult leaders. This is
particularly a problem with first year Scouts. Of course, the easiest way to
alleviate the parents' fears and foster trust is to talk to them. Explain
what Scouting and summer camp are all about. Explain that Scouts have to
learn to be responsible for themselves in camp.

Another factor is a lack of communications. This usually manifests itself in
parents' arriving in camp without an escort, or without checking-in with the
staff, etc. It can also be seen as the cause of parents' making special
trips to bring forgotten items to camp. Explaining the rules (troop, camp,
BSA) to the parents before camp will usually solve these problems. Warning
parents that they won't be able to drive all over camp before they come to
camp can save everyone from a lot of embarrassment. Communicating the rules
before the troop heads for camp can make parental visits much easier to deal
with, especially in camps where visitors have to be escorted. It will also
lessen the possibility of some rather embarrassing situations.

Over-zealous parents usually come in two varieties: the former-Scout
variety, and the ultra-competitive variety. Former Scouts have a pretty good
idea what camp is all about, and how the BSA works. They often have some
pretty specific goals for their son's visit to camp as well. Sometimes this
type of parent simply forgets how they felt when someone tried to push them
into spending their entire time at camp in some sort of MB class. These
types of parents usually mellow out when they remember how fun camp could
be.

Ultra-competitive parents see every activity as a chance to show everyone
that their son is the best. Like cowboys on a cattle-drive (thanks Bob) they
push their sons to do everything well. Occasionally, the parent will insist
on being there to make sure little Johnny goes to thirteen merit badges,
wins the canoe race single-handedly, and puts five warped arrows in the
center of the far target. This type of constant pushing on the parents' part
will usually result in the Scout losing interest in Scouting (or whatever
other activity they are in) because the pressure to excel takes all the fun
out of the program. Once again, communications between parents and troop
leaders can go a long way in resolving problems like this.

One of the things I usually explain to parents and Scouts about summer camp
is that merit badges aren't the only thing to do in camp. I tell them that
the one criteria I have for summer camp is that every Scout has a good time
and gets a chance to do some things he's never done before. I also let the
Scouts know that they will be expected to do a lot of things in camp that
they may not have to do at home like keep their tents clean and neat. I want
them to understand (and the parents as well) that when and if parents visit
camp, they are visitors not butlers and maids. Most importantly, I want them
to understand that Mr. Mako isn't there to be their butler or maid either.
Eventually, you will find parents asking why their son can keep his tent
clean in camp, but not his room at home. When they find out that it's
because they know Mr. Mako won't clean their tent the parents start to
understand that their son is capable of taking care of himself.

YIS
AJ Mako, ajmako@nls.net, Scoutmaster Troop 381
http://members.aol.com/Scouts381/ "Home of the Unofficial Boy Scout Desktop
Theme"
Great Trail Council - Old Portage District - Akron, Ohio

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