Re: Setting a bad example vs. intolerance

Dee,

The BSA smoking ban is in theory a good one, however, just like other No
Tolerance policies, I believe that it is also ineffectual and a bit
hypocritical. Just Say No doesn't work with young minds because it is a
paternalistic and authoritarian approach, neither of which works with
adolescents who by nature rebel against both.

I am not a smoker and I prefer that people around me not smoke, however, hiding
it from the boys doesn't fool them and only teaches them to be dishonest, I.e.
to hide one's smoking habit. Now before anyone goes off on the use of other
drugs tangent, let me give you some empirical evidence from our troop. One of
our more active and respected uniformed leaders is an addicted chain smoker who
can't go for 30 minutes without lighting up. He is short of breath and in poor
health, and is often seen outside of our meeting place taking a few puffs.

About four years ago while on a camp out, he lit up while sitting by the camp
fire. One of the younger scouts who had just finished the drug awareness program
DARE made a comment about not smoking. It developed into a lengthy discussion
about how the adult leader has lost all control over tobacco, how he quit 100
times, and how much of a failure it has made him. By the end of the discussion,
he sat there looking totally dejected and it was one of the most powerful
anti-smoking messages I've ever seen. No preaching. Just an honest display of an
adults weakness. A weakness that none of the boys found attractive.

This "scene" has been repeated several times since. To date, not one of our 28
scouts smokes. Now the interesting thing is that about a third of the boy's
parents smoke at home (some with quite a defiant attitude about it too) and most
have friends in school who smoke, yet not one of them has been lured into the
habit. Perhaps it was this open honest dialog with a respected and likable adult
who was able to influence the boys into resisting "experimenting" with tobacco.
When I was a teen, I was most influenced by adults who treated me like an adult
while I tuned out those adults who were self-righteous and preachy.

As for adults engaging in a legal activity you disapprove of in front of your
children .... hmmmm, well I suppose that you could follow your children around
and put your hands over their eyes but it might be more effective, and less
exhausting, to teach your children to discern between adult behavior that you
approve and disapprove of.

(My scouts recently heard a firearms safety lecture and then went to a public
range for shotgun to see adults mishandling weapons. Their eyes flew open wide
and they gulped hard and looked at me for what to do. We pulled back away from
those adults and said nothing. Their demeanor suggested that we would only
become involved in an argument. Point being that the boys knew the difference
and they internalized the values and rules set forth for them. The fact that
they saw adults breaking the rules had no effect except to reinforce the rules.
Call it reverse psychology or whatever, but I've seen it work time and again.)

But then again, I may be totally wrong. I hear my wife has a list.

Bob T.

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