Re: A permanent decision
Ian N Ford FRSH (addvent@DIRCON.CO.UK)
Sat, 8 Nov 1997 00:05:36 +0000
Thanks to Tim for his post. I think I would be a bit cautious about
involving the parents first off just in case the problem was at home.
I would also try to encourage the young person to seek help, maybe offer
to refer him or arrange for support, but not to go behing his back unless
I felt that I had to. In such cases I think I would want to discuss the
situation anonymously with a mental health professional or at the very
least another experienced Leader ... it often helps to check out one's
perceptions and feelings in this matter.
As a trainer I have used the word " first aid counseling " for the sort
of problems that come up in Scouting ... there are some problems we can
deal with by just listening and being around, just as we can treat some
of the minor physical lumps and bumps. Equally there are occasions when
it is obvious that qualified professional help is required, whether for a
physical illness or injury or for an emotional problem. The problem is
the grey area in the middle ...
As Leaders we are all going to get involved in difficult situations if we
are around for long enough. Those are the times when training ruins out
and we have to think on our feet and try to use our hearts and minds to
guide us.
About ten years ago I was at a lecture given by a bereavement counsellor
to Community Health Council staff who, like me, are involved in helping
people who have had problems with the health service. She said that
fortunately you don't need a lot of training to just listen and let
people talk ... too often in our culture it is expected that we don't
show any emotion. Often just giving the person time and a sympathetic
ear can be a great help, even if we don't feel that we are " doing "
anything.
Maybe the greatest thing we can do as Scouters is to provide an atmosphere
where kids are prepared to talk. It is about the " safe haven " . It is
about building up kids' self esteem and feelings of self-worth, so that
when the difficult times come they have a reserve of inner strength to
help them cope.
I had one of my ex-Scouts kill himself. He was only in the troop for a
few months, and told me that he was quitting because he had lost
interest. I later discovered that he had been in trouble with the law on
a few occasions, and about three years after he left the troop it got
to the point where he was charged with an offence that meant he was about to
risk a custodial sentence. That was why he hanged himself. When I read
it in the paper I couldn't help wondering " what if ... ? " If only I
had tried harder to keep him in Scouting ... If only I had seen the
danger signs. Of course it is irrational, but those are the thoughts that
go through your head. But we can only do so much in the short
time we spend each week with " our " Scouts.
What we will never know is just how many kids we < do> help, but without
knowing it ... it's just that sometimes it takes a bit of faith to
carry on when we have to come to terms with the apparently senseless
waste of a young life. I know that our thoughts and prayers are with
Devin and his troop at this time, and with the friends and family of the
young man.
Yis
Ian Ford
Trainer, Channel District, Transatlantic Council BSA
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City | 
