Fwd: Scan for Virus (fwd)

Did everyone get this already? Happy Halloween!
Jan Mussler, DL Pack 170 Nederland CO Long's Peak Council
>
> IMMEDIATELY SCAN YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:
>
> PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly
> about foreign software.
>
> COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do
> anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
>
> HILARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear
> mysteriously a year later, in another directory.
>
> O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system,
> but you just can't prove it.
>
> BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to
> be much of a threat.
>
> STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
>
> PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
> It warns you of an impending hard disk attack: Once if by LAN; twice
> if by C.
>
> POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus",
> but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
>
> ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
> before the whole thing quits.
>
> TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor
>
> DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but
> ewe cant figyour outt watt!
>
> GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
> software says everything is fine.
>
> NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
> people really mad just thinking about it.
>
> GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30
> percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5
percent
> margin of error).
>
> TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
>
> ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
>
> CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits
> in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen.
> The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the
other
> side.
>
> AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
>
> FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
> own motherboard.
>
> PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
>
> ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then
> self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
> stations across rural America.
>
> OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
>
> NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
>
> SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you order new cables,
> power supply, and a set of shocks.
>
> JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
>
> KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
>
> STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has
> gone before ...
>
> HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
> wrong, and sends you a bill for $4500.
>
> COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do
> anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
>
> HILARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear
> mysteriously a year later, in another directory.
>
> O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system,
> but you just can't prove it.
>
> BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to
> be much of a threat.
>
> STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
>
> PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
> It warns you of an impending hard disk attack: Once if by LAN; twice
> if by C.
>
> POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus",
> but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
>
> ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
> before the whole thing quits.
>
> TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor
>
> DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but
> ewe cant figyour outt watt!
>
> GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
> software says everything is fine.
>
> NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
> people really mad just thinking about it.
>
> GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30
> percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5
percent
> margin of error).
>
> TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
>
> ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
>
> CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits
> in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen.
> The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the
other
> side.
>
> AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
>
> FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
> own motherboard.
>
> PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
>
> ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then
> self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
> stations across rural America.
>
> OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
>
> NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
>
> SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you order new cables,
> power supply, and a set of shocks.
>
> JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
>
> KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
>
> STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has
> gone before ...
>
> HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
> wrong, and sends you a bill for $4500.
>
> Gary Spaid, CFP Denver, Colorado

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