Re: Parent Leaders with Scouts
Michael F. Bowman (mfbowman@CAPACCESS.ORG)
Mon, 31 Jul 1995 02:06:29 -0400
Steve,
Your description of the "Parent-Scout" leaders fits a few that I have run
into in the past. As an SM it is agonizing to watch the Scout be
smothered or subordinated to the parent's desire to relive their own
youth and make Eagle the second time around. It is difficult when you
are trying so hard to foster growth and self-esteem to see the sons of
these parents so dependent that you wonder whether their quietness and
immature personality characteristics are the result of an over-bearing
adult to child relationship. Its never easy to watch and makes you wish
you could intervene.
However, this is the point where sometimes we have to remember that there
are going to be some problems that we are not equiped to solve or simply
can't fix. Sounds like you've tried first aid; e.g. talking with the two
ASMs, but that it didn't take. May be that they would benefit from
family counseling, but that's really not our call as leaders in such a
situation. Even with this situation the two Scouts are being exposed to a
lot of growth opportunities and though it would be better if they did
everything on their own, its still better to have them participating as
best than for them to have stayed in a domineering household with no
opportunity for interaction with the other Scouts (siver lining in
otherwise dark cloud).
In some of these situations you may have to make the best of the
situation and augment with other ASMs to cover the gap to see that the
rest of the Scouts are getting adult support as needed. This is a damage
control sort of approach. As time passes you could continue to give them
more feedback about how other Scouts see them and their sons and suggest
alternatives while they are nodding yes. I like Alan's question about
whether the ASM would hire someone at work at an interview if the
interviewee was accompanied by his parent.
If the behavior of these ASMs is disruptive, the chartered organization
and/or committee can decided not to keep them as leaders. The Scouts in
such a case would be allowed to remain and the parents might be allowed to
attend, but not as leaders.
If these two ASMs haven't been trained, get them to SM Fundamentals where
they can be part of a patrol and do all the things they like to do. The
experience with other leaders external to their situation and group
discussions at the patrol site sometimes does wonders. If it didn't take
at SM Fundamentals, consider sending them to Wood Badge. <g> Again
they'll have the same opportunity to relive patrol life, but with the
bonus of getting a ticket to work to earn their beads, something that
might require enough time and energy away from their sons (especially if
the Counselor is cued) that they may transfer some of their own
achievement earning behavior away from their sons to their own goals
(growing up late). In the process of working their tickets and working
with their counselors, they may also learn much more about the program,
how to do it, and end up not being as bad.
You could also take note of the merit badges each ASM "has earned" with
his son and ask him to be a counselor for it with other Scouts during
parts of an outing after a suitable lead-in about how well he
demonstrated skil x and how good it would be to share that with other
Scouts. Meanwhile his own son escapes to do other stuff on his own.
Speaking only for myself in the Scouting Spirit, Michael F. Bowman
DDC-Training, GW Dist. Nat Capital Area Council mfbowman@CAPACCESS.ORG
Terry Howerton Sakima Group, Inc. SCOUTER Magazine Kansas City | 
